I am beginning to learn that there is no first prize for the best anorexic.
Being in the clinic with other people suffering from eating disorders can be quite triggering. Our Eds can become competitive and try and convince us that we are all participating in a competition to be the best anorexic. I found that it was very hard to complete my meals when the other girls couldn’t, as Ed would tell me I was loosing and that I was a failure.
Now, I am starting to learn that there is no competition or awards ceremony for the best anorexic. We are all in the clinic to get better. We want to recover. We want to have a life free from food obsession. We want a life free from ed.
So i have decided to start rewarding myself for every time I complete my meals and we all congratulate each other too. It is important for me to remember that I am not in treatment to compete against the other girls. I am in treatment to compete against ed, and it is about time he got used to loosing because I think I’ve found a new tactic!