Every day has it’s challenges and I believe that every challenge is an opportunity and every challenge can make you stronger. Tuesday’s challenge: A Banoffee Pie.
I could have written about this event on Tuesday, but I was so angry I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it.
I stayed at the clinic for dinner with another girl in my group. At the clinic, like at home, we need to finish everything we are given and today’s dessert was Banoffee Pie.
Recently I have stopped thinking I am at the clinic to be the best anorexic and I have changed my goal to: I want to be the best at recovery. I have found that goals help me, I just need to learn to set healthy ones.
Being the best at recovery meant that when I saw my friend was struggling with the dessert I had to keep eating. I thought, if I don’t finish my pie, it will only make it harder for her. I tried my best to set an example and I finished what was on my plate.
A girl on another table could see my friend was struggling and said ‘Oh don’t worry about it. It was gross anyway, none of us have eaten it’ (May I add that she wasn’t part of the ED group, it was just another patient at the clinic). This comment sent my ED crazy. I had been having a good week and so I was so unprepared for this brick wall which I could feel landing on my head. ED started telling me ‘your gross, even normal people didn’t eat it, and you finished your plate. You greedy greedy dirty girl’. I then left the clinic and cried the whole way home.
But as I said, every challenge makes you stronger and every challenge comes with a new opportunity. It may not feel like it at the time, but the lessons you can learn from every challenge you face on your road to recovery only make you better equipped for next time. I knew that the most important thing was to not restrict the following day. If I did, ED had won. So I stuck to the number one rule: I stuck to the food plan.
Today in therapy I discussed this event quite a lot with my therapist and she taught me a really good technique (This is where the opportunity bit comes in!). She asked me how I felt when this happened. I said the overriding belief was that I was greedy. She asked me to write down the evidence to support this, which was: I ate the pudding and others didn’t. She then asked me to write down the evidence against this belief. I wrote:
- It was on my food plan
- I did the right thing
- I took on a challenge and I won
- It wasn’t greedy, it was just a dessert
- I don’t need to like it and it doesn’t need to be nice, it’s just medicine
Writing this down was so powerful. I realised how much the evidence against my belief outweighed the evidence for.So next time I am faced with negative beliefs about myself, I am going to stop and think about the evidence which supports my belief and the evidence against it.
Today at the clinic the dessert was cheesecake and again it was my friend and I eating together. Before eating it, I got out the list above and we read it out loud together. We then picked up our spoons and both left the clinic having finished the whole thing. Meanwhile, Our ED’s were both crying in the corner as they had to watch us join forces and win the battle.