Tonight is one of my friends 21st birthday party’s and its fancy dress. Me and 2 friends had agreed to go as the three blind mice.
An hour ago I tried my outfit on and burst into tears. Ed has been shouting at me all day today, non stop, and so this was a perfect opportunity for him to push me over the edge.
I thought I wasn’t going to go, in fact, I was almost certain. But then I rang my friend who reminded me that I am 21, it is perfectly normal to be going to a party, what is there to be scared of?
It reminded me that recovery is about so much more than just sticking to a food plan and getting your meals right. Recovery is about learning how to live again. It is about being sociable. It is about breaking away from a life with Ed and not letting him stop you do anything. Staying in with Ed for the night would be isolating and it is about time I started living.
So I am going to get into my mouse consume, look in the mirror, tell Ed I look like the most beautiful blind mouse the party will have ever seen, and hope to God that the music will drown out Ed’s whining screaming voice.
Party time…wish me luck!