Today in group we discussed how our eating disorders developed. As we went around the room there were many reasons and one which came up a few times was that by having an ED, people care about you more.
Looking back on my childhood I can see that I was an A* student, Head Girl, well behaved, never got into trouble, kind and caring. I never gave my parents anything to worry about…When I developed an eating disorder they began worrying about me.
At the time this fuelled my eating disorder. I liked the fact people were worrying about me. I thought this meant that that more people loved and cared about me. However, in recovery I am now learning that my friends and family have always loved and cared about me. Having an eating disorder hasn’t made more people care about me, it has made more people worry about me. And caring and worrying about someone are two different things.
Plus, no one wants to be the friend or daughter everyone worries about. Those kinds of people are not fun to be around.