It feels like a long time since I last wrote on here and it’s about time I got writing again.
The past few months has seen some big bends, tall hills and frustrating obstacles in my journey to recovery. Focusing on the good things, I managed to enjoy my summer holiday, met a lovely guy and had a bit of a holiday romance and relaxed. Bad news, my weight dropped. Secondly, I have returned back to university and started lectures and had a couple of nights out. Bad news, my weight continued dropping.
I don’t like to think of this past month as a step backwards, I just feel as though I took bit of a detour in my journey to recovery. Had a bit of a time out. But now I am committed to getting back on track. I have completed my food plan every day since Monday and am feeling stronger in my fight against Ed.
The past months has made me realize just how important it is to keep fighting. One of my good friends used to say ‘You give an inch and Ed will take a mile’… she is 100% right. The past month I haven’t resorted back to my old ways of eating when things were really bad, but I consciously tried to shave the odd thing off my food plan.
I have also been going through a lot of change being back at Uni and realized I was using this as a perfect excuse to not stay on track. However, on Monday morning I decided it was time I took a reality check and got back on track. In fact, I was sat in my first lecture on Monday morning and absolutely loved it. I was able to concentrate, participate and engage with what was going on. Also, I ate a full breakfast that morning. If I would have restricted, I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on the theories of consumer behavior, emotional and rational purchasing decisions or our coursework assignment because I would have been concentrating on what I restricted, when I could next restrict and what this would mean. It was a strong and powerful reminder that thee is so much more to enjoy in life than Ed, and so many opportunities ahead of me that wont be possible if I am still in the clutches of this dangerous, evil and destructive illness. So that morning I made a point of telling Ed that it was ME who worked hard to get to this university, not him, and I am not going to let years of hard work go to waste.
I am feeling a little fragile but I also know that I won’t succeed before I believe that I can. So I want to use this space now to say:
That with more time, more effort, more strength and more courage I can and I will recover from this illness.