I always see new steps in recovery as new challenges. Whether it be trying a new fear food, going out for dinner, having dinner with friends or going for drinks, each step is a new challenge. What I need to remind myself is that given the nature of ‘challenges’, they’re not always going to be fun. However, the more times I challenge myself all of these things will become fun. As I have said before, FEAR= Face Everything And Recover.
I am going to try and accept that as I am still in relatively early stages of recovery, Ed is still going to join me when I’m out for dinner, trying new foods or having a drink. I will still hear his voice and I imagine that when I embark upon pretty tough challenges, he will be shouting pretty loud. But instead of using this as an excuse not to try new things and push myself, I am going to try and just acknowledge his presence and try and turn the volume down. I guess it’s a bit like when you’re stuck on a train and can hear someone’s really loud annoying music or the person next to you is having a really annoying conversation, you can hear it, but it doesn’t mean you have to listen. You just try and block out the sound and get on with what you’re doing.