Today I was speaking to one of my good friends who told me that ‘I am more than Anorexia’ and that I shouldn’t keep considering it as a central part of who I am. He is totally right.
I guess the thing is, anorexia is a battle I have to fight everyday. Sometimes it’s an easy win, but sometime’s things are tough and Ed gets very loud. I guess I have just got so used to a life with Ed that I can’t really imagine living without it. I hear it everyday. I can hardly think of any meal time when I haven’t heard Ed (even if it was only a whisper) and so it is hard to not consider it a central part of who I am.
However, speaking to my friend reminded me of a line in my Divorce Letter (See ‘Divorcing Ed: The Divorce Letter’ page). I wrote “I’m worth more than anorexia. I’m worth more than you. I deserve to start living“. I still believe that I am worth more than anorexia and I am going to start trying to see myself as more than just a girl with an eating disorder.
I am in the process of applying for jobs and in one of the application forms I was asked ‘How would your friend’s describe you?’… so I asked them. The comments included: “The bestest friend anyone could wish for!”, “caring”, “Considerate”, “determined, focused and bravest girl I know”, “inspiring, self-less, unbelievably committed friend “, “funny and stylish and all round fabulous”. Reading through the comments I appreciated how many great friends I have. Reading through them again this evening I have also noticed that not one of the comments said the word ‘Anorexic’.
My friends and family who care about me the most don’t believe my most important quality is my anorexia, not one of my friends described me as the Anorexic girl. It is about time I started seeing myself as more too. As someone once told me, ‘You Are Not Your Illness’.