The past few days have been a little tricky. When that happens I never know what to write on here as I always said I’d only use this blog to record positive steps in my recovery. But the truth is, I have really been in the need for some fighting talk.
Fortunately, one of my friends text me today saying: “To dare is to lose your foothold for a moment; to not dare is to loose yourself”. It was a great reminder that the only way I am going to recover is if I face my fears… FEAR: Face Everything And Recover.
The past few days have been tricky and so I have turned back to Ed to try and cope with the stress and worry . However, the truth is that restriction is no longer a coping mechanism. It didn’t help me deal with the stress, it made it worse. It didn’t help me work harder, because I didn’t have the energy to concentrate. It didn’t stop me worrying, it just gave me another thing to worry about. In fact, I achieved nothing. It just made me horrible to be around, distracted, distant and isolated. All in all, it totally proved that by not facing my fears and by not daring to fight Ed, I lost myself.
One of my friends even said over the weekend, “it’s nice to see you smiling today, I haven’t seen that in a while”. It was horrible to hear that. When I am not holding Ed’s hand and letting him lead me along, I can laugh and smile and be a nice person to be around. I am going to keep fighting and keep daring to face my fears because if I don’t, the only thing I will loose is myself.