Last night, unsurprisingly, my parents sat me down to talk. They had read my blog and noticed the change in my behaviour. At first I wanted to run away and not talk about anything. But I knew deep down it was the right thing.
After talking things through and discussing what we should do next I felt a lot better. The whole talk reminded me that whilst I may be the only one who can beat my eating disorder, I can’t do it alone.
Sharing my struggles and fears with my parents reminded me of how important it is to not keep everything to yourself. My eating disorder was the one who didn’t want to talk about anything. And of course Ed would think that. By keeping things to myself I can continue down a path of denial and destruction. The truth is, speaking to other people helps and it takes some of the weight of your own shoulders.
I know deep down my last blog post was a cry for help. I don’t like admitting that because Ed is telling me I don’t need anyone’s help and I can do it alone. The problem is that I can’t recover alone. I can only make myself worse alone.
Today I am feeling slightly better.