“I am me”

Long time no speak juniper!

I haven’t written for a while, and that’s a good thing. This blog was a space for me to overcome my battles, express my troubles and let out all the worry. The good news, well great news, is that Ed is getting quieter and quieter with every day and I am not facing so many battles in life.

The only reason I have chosen to write today, is that I know some close friends follow this blog, and I wouldn’t want them to think the worst. So consider tthis an update!

Life is bloody good. This week I secured a dream job. I have worked for it for about 6 years and now I’ve gone and bloody done it.

I am also doing extremely well in my current job. I’ve got bonuses, pay rises and met some great friends.

I have also just had my 4 month (lol) anniversary with my boyfriend. He is an incredible man and I love him to bits. He doesn’t know about this blog and fortunately has not had to meet ed. He knows the real me, and without even knowing it, has helped me crush ed.

So life is good.

This time two years ago, I was in the depths of an eating disorder and didn’t even really know it. I remember locking myself away in the utility room on Boxing Day because I was so scared of the Buffett table. I didn’t drink and I remember my mum tying to pour me a glass of wine to lighten me up a bit. I was a shadow and didn’t participate in the day. I was thankful when Christmas was over.

This year I am going to be first at the buffet table. Hell, I want it all. The cheese, meat, lovely breads and I won’t even start on the dessert!

The point is, after fully committing to my recovery, and fighting hard for 2 years, I’ve got a life I could only dream off. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth every second of fear and every single bite.

People always think that the worst thing about anorexia is the weight loss and health risks. And yes, from a health point of view maybe they’re right. But for me, the most tragic thing about eating disorders, is how sufferers become prisoners in their own body. They don’t just loose weight, but they loose their personality. For me, that’s the tragic part.

Now I am me! And I love me!

I will forever be grateful to everyone who helped me in my battle. My aim is to call myself recovered at 23. I have 6 months to get there. Right now, I believe that can happen.

I lost a few years of my life to anorexia but I am not going to beat myself up for that or have any regrets. Everything happens for a reason and I can’t change my past. What i can do is dictate my own future. I will make sure no more years, days or seconds of my life are lost to my ed. I am in control now, and life will be what I make of it. And that’s exciting.

Love you,


One thought on ““I am me”

  1. Morning juniper. That made me cry but in the best way so thank you for the update. My beautiful daughter is getting on top of Ed too and yesterday was our family Christmas Day and I watched her eat a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings put her spoon in the custard jug several times and eat more chocolate than I have seen her do in serveral years. So thank you for being her friend and helping her on the way to recovery. I’m hoping their are not too many bumps in your road to a happy life but that is life. So enjoy the now and remember how you feel and when it does get bumpy be strong and rem

    Sent from my iPhone

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