With 2013 drawing to a close I have been reflecting on the past year. 2013 has had it’s challenges. I began a road to recovery and have had my fair share of up’s and down’s. I have had to change the way I do things, the way I see things, the way I live my life. I have had to embark upon a journey, which at times has seemed never ending, and somehow had to find the strength to keep pushing forward and keep fighting every day. However, despite giving me a lot of s**t, the past year has seen some good times. I spent 6 months in Paris with one of my best friends and had some of the best times of my life (Thank you D), I met a new friend for life who I couldn’t live without (thank you again for everything S), I celebrated my 21st Birthday, I became a proud member of “Fight Club”, I had my first ever “holiday romance”, I moved into a house in Bath with 5 great friends and I have began to start experiencing freedom and learning to live again. So whilst I am not too sad about 2013 coming to an end, I am forever grateful to all of my family and my amazing friends for getting me through the past year. I couldn’t have done it without you.
Tomorrow comes a New Year and with it comes a fresh start. In order to mark this fresh start I have a New Years Resolution:
Face My Fears & F**k It
I am going to make a conscious effort to keep facing my fears as I strongly believe that the key to recovery is to Face Everything And Recover. As well as facing my food fears, I am also going to face fear in other areas of my life. To get an early start I went on a date last night (Something I would never have done a year ago), and I can honestly say I had a good time. It was a nice reminder that life is a whole lot more fun when Ed isn’t running the show.
I am also going to try and live by the rule of F**k It! To explain… my sister bought me a book for Christmas called “The way of F**k it”. In the blurb it says: “Saying F**k it and giving up on things that are causing you pain; saying f**k it and following your dreams, no matter what other people think: this is the Way of F**k it. And Following this Way can transform your life.” The book offers short, inspirational thoughts that you can use to bring the wisdom of F**k it into your life.
A few of my favorites are:
- You don’t have to get it right all the time. F**k it.
- Stop judging everyone and everything. F**k it. It’s just boring.
- Say F**k it and eat it.
- So I’m different. F**k it.
- Don’t compare yourself to others. F**k it. There are always ‘better’ and ‘worse’ people out there.
- F**k it. Do the thing today that most scares you.
- Say F**k it and cancel your gym membership
- Say F**k it to excelling at work: explore the average; revel in your weaknesses.
- Say F**k it and catch a train to somewhere you’ve never been before
So this year marks what I hope will be a new beginning. I know there will still be down days. I know I will still need to face challenges. And I know that Ed is unlikely to leave me alone. But the difference today is that I am stronger and happier than I was a year ago and I am going to continue finding the strength to keep fighting. The best thing that happened in 2013 was learning that embracing freedom and living life is a whole lot better than a life with Ed. If facing my fears and saying F**k it from time to time can help me down this road to recovery, then that’s what I will do. So Goodbye Ed and Hello Me! Ed took the limelight in 2013, 2014 is mine!
Happy New Year!