Today I went to church with a friend of mine. I have been wanting to go for a while and today I finally went.
After worship people could come to the front and minister. It was a chance for people to share stories that they felt would be relevant to other people in the service. One man talked about a picture he had seen of a ship. I can’t remember exactly how he described it, but he said something like, although the ship had just come out of a storm, the sea was a calm and clear and the ship seemed peaceful upon the water. However, the lighthouse in the corner of the picture was a reminder of the danger that had passed. The ship could continue to be at peace away from the storm, but it was important for the captain to keep an eye on the lighthouse out of the corner of his eye. The captain had to remember the danger and keep his eye out for any other storms.
I felt as though I could really relate to what he said. This whole journey of recovery has been like a sea storm. I have been through ups and downs. I have been frightened and scared. At times I feared my ship was sinking but I managed to stay afloat.
However, I am now beginning to feel like I am coming out the other side of the storm. The sea feels calmer, the water is clearer, the sky is brighter. I am more in control of my ship and I am steering myself closer to safety. However, I always keep a keen eye on my eating disorder, like the captain keeps an eye on the lighthouse. I don’t want to forget about the storm, or loose sight of it because I need to remember how bad it was in order to keep moving forward. I need to keep my eye on the danger so I don’t hit another storm without warning. I need to keep my eating disorder in sight, because I don’t want it creeping up behind me when I’m not ready.
But for now, I am grateful that my ship is sailing and not sinking and the waters are feeling calmer.